Remote Control by David George (Excerpt 1)

This is an excerpt from my two-man play REMOTE CONTROL. Did you ever feel like your life was interrupting the television commercials?

Los Angeles 1980’s. Harold & Fred watch television: they become the characters they watch.

A TV COMMERCIAL
Morton Frehey (Harold), a spokesman for a Fine Arts correspondence course, walks downstage.

MORTON: Hi.  I’m Morton Frehey.  If you’ve dreamed of making beautiful works like these…

(He indicates the nothingness that surrounds him)

…Now’s your chance.

(pause)

You too can rank among the world’s top conceptual artists.  No materials, no supplies.  Nothing can hold you back!  We can show you how to unlock the door to your own imagination and enable you to create works as beautiful as these.
(indicates)
If Van Gogh were alive today he needn’t have suffered the way he did and would certainly have taken this course.  The impressionists, the cubists, surely paved the way for this: the final frontier.  We won’t take you through concept to creation.  No. Why?  Because at Famous Artists’ School, the concept and creation are one.  We’ll show you how to be totally satisfied with your concept as the final product; the final expression and put an end to the suffering.  Think of it, the most beautiful painting you could imagine and stop right there!

No need to actually paint it.  That’s as far as you need to go.
(pause)
Here are some testimonials from some of our recent graduates.

Fred appears as Voice #1 a slow talking moron.
1ST VOICE
I was under the impression I had no talent.  But in less than four weeks after graduating Famous Artists’ intensive program, I am making more money than some of our more famous dead masters.  And, believe it or not, I’m still alive.

Fred pulls on a hat and becomes the 2nd Voice.
2ND VOICE
The thing that always held me back was the actual painting part, but when I realized at ‘Famous Artists’ that the painting itself wasn’t relevant to creating a masterpiece…
(proudly)
Well, the flood-gates were opened.

Harold reappears as Morton holding a gold picture frame.  He holds the frame in such a way as to frame his head and shoulders.

MORTON: If you order now, we’ll include this incredible carved picture frame for your first masterpiece.  That’s right, order now and get the frame absolutely free.  Operator’s are standing by for your phone call now!  Dial 1-800-ART-4ART. That’s 1-800-ART-4ART…

BLACKOUT:

REMOTE CONTROL is available as an audio drama on iTunes, Amazon & Audible.com (US & UK) and recently aired on radio across Canada.

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